He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
