i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
