Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
