it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
