i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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