despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
