How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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