my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
