I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
