we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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