i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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