i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
