Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
