you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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