wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
