Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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