What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
