I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
