my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
