Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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