We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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