Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
