I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
