and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
