Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
