Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
