you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
