Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
