I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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