its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
