i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
