Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
