I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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