You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
