We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
