if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
