Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
