Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
