I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
