Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
