I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm like, not good at living.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
