i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
