What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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