not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
