I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
