1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
