It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
