we have officially lost it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
