I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
