Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
