either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
