hell yes lets make some ravioli
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
