i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
