Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
